Disarming The Devil in Your Mind
I came face to face with the devil the other day... or perhaps it was more like mind to mind, as the devil was not actually right in front of me per se. But he was with me. More so in my mind than anything. The mind is a perfect breeding ground for negativity, and so that's where he entered. It was an unfortunate accident... A simple mistake if you will. But unbeknownst to myself I had invited him in. I opened up the gateway and he walked right in the door.
Ofcourse the devil has entered my mind many a time before. Any individual who has experienced a mood disorder will understand how this can happen. But this time it was not a mood disorder, nor was I triggered by any particular negative event (not that I am aware of). This time my experience was drug induced! That's right. But it's not exactly how it sounds.
You see, I had a very bad headache and I was desperate for a remedy. I usually take a 1:1 cbd/ thc cannabis (marijuana) oil. It is very helpful for pain and relaxation, and yes, in larger amounts it can make me feel a bit high, but it's non psychoactive. I take it strictly for pain and/ or nervous anxiety. It's an excellent remedy. I always feel good on it. No paranoia... no psychosis! No negative side effects whatsoever! However, at this juncture in time when I was suffering with my headache, I was all out of my 1:1 oil! All I could find in my apartment was a thca alcohol tincure. I had used 3 drops the night prior and found it to be helpful with a little nervousness I was feeling. But for some odd reason, in my desperation to subdue my pain, I had forgotten the terrible results I had experienced with this thca tincture in the past. You see thca is actually non psychoactive, however there is still a bit of psychoactive thc in there. And the longer the thca sits around in alcohol, the more it turns to thc which is psychoactive. And so unknowingly I ended up taking way more drops than I could handle.
And so my horror began! I don't recall exactly how many drops of this thca (thc) tincture I consumed but I believe it was 20 drops in the morning/ afternoon and 20 drops early evening. Way way way too much! At first, I just relaxed in my comfortable chair in my meditation pyramid for a few hours. I didn't notice any ill effects. Then I had to get up to make dinner and feed the cats. As I recall... I still felt ok. Just a tiny bit out of it but no big deal. I received a call for a reiki session. I am a reiki energy healer by the way (if you didn't know). So I took the appointment thinking I was fine. I had approximately 90 minutes to get ready. However, as I was setting up the room I started to realize that I was feeling a bit dizzy...and nauseous...and dehydrated! And about 30 minutes before the reiki session was to commence I realized that I couldn't stand up anymore. I ended up canceling the reiki session and lying down on a tiny chair on the floor.
This is when it started to get real bad! After a moment I noticed that I was having the most horrendous horrifying disturbing negative thoughts. It dawned on me. I was high... very high. High in a very bad way. And my energy was wide open. Just wide open enough to allow the negative side to enter me. I had become aware that he, the devil, was now in my energy field. I was using reiki on myself to thwart his advances. I put a calming symbol on my head, but all I could feel was a very overwhelming energy on my crown chakra. It was wide open. Anyone or thing could enter. And so I chose to remove my attention away from my head. I was already fighting a headache. Why put more energy up there? Energy flows where attention goes!
Soon it was time to go to sleep. But it was so difficult to get up. I was feeling a bit paralyzed. I had to peel myself off the floor, brush my teeth and prepare for bed. I was completely spooked. My consciousness had been invaded! I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. It wasn't me. Something else was in me that needed to be removed. I felt guilt for canceling my reiki session. I felt bad that I unknowingly inflicted this horror upon myself. I felt upset for I knew this thc may thwart my healing process. I was invaded by unhappiness, sadness, fear, paranoia, guilt. I felt something trying to tell me that I should take my life. I am not supposed to live anymore. No No No! Wrong. These are not my thoughts. I will not allow them to take me over. But it was too late now. It would be a very long night. It would be a battle. The thc would have to take it's course. It was in me. Running through my veins. And the devil was with me. In me and all around me.
But there was hope! Why? Because I was aware. Very aware. And although in the past, when the devil entered my mind I was usually caught off guard and unprepared... This time I was prepared. This time I was ready. For I have learned how to disarm him. But the first step is to realize that he's even there! And this time I was very much on top of my game.
I stepped into my dark bedroom. I saw a flicker of light in my peripheral that shocked my system. I performed a little energy clearing on myself and lied down in my bed with my two selenite crystal balls- one in each hand. My cat Roscoe came to lie down in his little cat bed beside me to comfort me. He knew I needed him. I placed my closest hand on top of him. I felt reassured. Such a good cat. How can the devil hurt me with Roscoe by my side? He's my little protector! Now I had to get myself to sleep, but alas, the devil is not going to make it that simple. Again, torturous, painful, horrible thoughts and visions streaming through my mind. Death, sadness... loss...I feel a pain in the right side of my abdomen. The devil points out that this pain I feel is cancer in my body. It is going to kill me. “No! Enough I say”, in my mind ofcourse. “You are wrong! There is no cancer. Now I must fight back. I cannot allow you to do this. And so I began to chant in my mind, “I am the Power of the Universe, I am the Power of the Universe, I am the Power of the Universe.”
The devil did not like this and so he slithered his way into my mantra. And after a moment the voice in my head got deeper and deeper until it was the devil's voice himself saying “I am the Power of the Universe.” Ahhh...sneaky sneaky. This has never happened to me before when I've recited this mantra in my mind. I cannot allow this. And so I changed my affirmation to, “I am the Beautiful Positive Power of the Universe, I am the Beautiful Positive Power of the Universe, I am the Beautiful Positive Power of the Universe.” I continued to repeat this affirmation over and over and over again in my mind. The devil's voice never came back and I finally fell asleep. But unfortunately I continued to wake up every hour even though I had taken my natural sleep pills. They didn't work as well with the thc in my system. Thankfully I was able to get right back to sleep every time I woke up.
Around 5/ 6am I felt something touching my legs over my blanket... The devil couldn't get back into my mind and so he presented himself in a physical capacity! Creepy Creepy! Once again, “I am the Beautiful Positive Power of the Universe, I am the Beautiful Positive Power of the Universe, I am the Beautiful Positive Power of the Universe.” The feeling of being touched over my blanket disappeared and I fell asleep peacefully yet again. I finally woke up for the last time. It was morning and time to get up. Thank goodness I made it through the night. I defeated the devil... and my headache was gone!
And so the moral of this story is... it's important to remember, in times when the devil decides to make an appearance, especially when that appearance is in your own mind, you have the power to fight back. You have the power to win! It's a battle. But it's not a battle that you have to lose. Watch what you think. Watch what you say to yourself in your mind. Watch what you visualize. It's the Law of Attraction. You create what you think. If the thoughts you think are not positive then change them. Take control over your mind. Recite a positive affirmation until the negative thoughts disappear. Remember... You are the Beautiful Positive Power of the Universe and nothing can harm you. And on a side note...if you suffer from a mood disorder please be very careful with thc (and thca). The psychological and physical effects can be quite harmful! Peace and Blessings!
Jennie Haiman is a Reiki Master Energy Healer, Co-Founder of Self Saviorz Society California Non-Profit 501(c)(3), Poet, Author and Entertainer with goals to help raise the vibration and consciousness of humanity!