Dear Ex Lover,... (Continued) Wow! You are Worse than I Thought Your Were!
This article is a follow up to my previous article titled "Dear Ex-Lover, ..."In order to gain a complete understanding of the situation at hand I suggest going back and reading the first article before venturing into this one. In my previous article I began an email correspondence with a guy I dated (if you can call it dating...it really wasn't that serious) years ago. I start off by asking him if it's okay for me to share my thoughts with him about the past. "Do you remember a few years back when you moved out here to LA and you contacted me by phone and immediately asked me if I wanted to have a baby with you? And you said you would take care of me financially? I feel compelled to explain to you how that proposition made me feel. I was going to tell you in person, but I think I might express myself better in writing if this is okay with you?" He agreed to hear me out (although I felt hesitant reluctant judgmental energy in his email tone). He immediately said that he definitely wouldn't call it a proposition. So he was already in disagreement with me over my chosen word to describe the offer.
Regardless, I went on to share a great deal of thoughts and feelings with him.... Apparently more than he was ready to hear! It was all negative stuff... but I felt like I had to tell him how I really felt about our relationship. He didn't respond so well to what I told him and he even tried to say that my feelings are (were) a lie. While I'm not going to post his entire responses to my email messages I will share some of his responses later on this article. The following is my response to his response after I wrote him the initial messages in the first article:
"C****, I get it. We all have our own personal truths and memories. And it was a very long time ago indeed. As I recall, Yes, when I first met you I told you that I had a boyfriend. When I started coming over to visit you at your apartment though I had already broken up with that boyfriend. I was not cheating on my boyfriend with you. That relationship had ended. That’s why I was being intimate with you. I clearly remember you penetrating me without a condom one time. If you don’t remember that, well fine. I get what you are saying about Nina Sky. I don’t know them personally and I never listened to all their music. I cannot rightfully judge them. All I can recall about them is one pop dance song I heard on the radio that didn’t seem very intelligent/ thoughtful. And at that time I felt that the comparison was an insult. So be it! But what I really cannot fathom at this very moment is that you are telling me that you actually videotaped/ recorded me without my permission which is an absolute invasion of my privacy. And you mention it so casually as if this is okay. C****, this is not okay. I am appalled. Yes, I’m sure I was okay with the pictures that you took of me when I was aware that you were taking pictures..., but not hidden recording devices. That is not even ethical. Wow C****! Is that why you tried to pay me? Because you were recording us being intimate? Can you please erase your collection of me now? Had I known you were going to record me like that without my consent I would’ve never even come over to your home at all. Now, the bad energy I’ve been feeling is making complete sense to me. Now the disrespect I've been feeling is all making sense to me. There was much more going on than I was consciously aware of. Please erase all your recordings of me. It's not right. Very bad karma. I am absolutely not okay with this!"
My ex-lover (or whatever he was... hater) responded to this accusation in a very argumentative tone claiming that he wasn't recording me without my knowledge. His communication skills were obviously quite flawed. So I responded...
"C****, I highlighted your words below. (Highlighted words: "We didn't have sex (p***). We had oral sure. But that was it. It wasn't very many times either. What you do fail to remember is I was recording every time we got together and taking pictures." "I have the conversations." "You can't fake Video or Pictures".) You make it sound like you taped us being intimate together. And you make it sound like you taped all of our conversations. Maybe we are experiencing a communication issue. But it sounds like you were recording me at all times with (and without my permission). I am not trying to start anything with you. I was trying to have an open honest conversation with you and you mentioned recording (all of our interactions) which was completely surprising to me. C****, I was miserable when I knew you. I am actually very happy and live a great life now. Perhaps not perfect. But life is a process. A wonderful process of becoming. I am always becoming better. I can't say the same for everyone else. We become what we think of most. I was wondering if I should include you in my life again which is why I contacted you. And I know now what the answer is. I was right all along to stay away. Your energy is very angry and volatile and is definitely not a match for me. I wish you well on your spiritual journey. You shall not hear from me again in this lifetime. But like I said, please erase all recordings of me. I do not wish to be a thought in your mind ever... and it is my great hope that you stop visiting me in my dreams now. I suppose this is the closure I needed. Goodbye and goodluck."
After I sent this last message to my ex-lover he wrote me a few more nasty emails and then I blocked him on aol mail!
(Afterthoughts: I'm not going to include my supposed ex-lover's (hater's) entire responses to my messages but here's some quotes to give you an idea of how the conversation went:
"We all have truth but there is a level of truth that you are not dealing with. Just understand you say people don't get you or understand you or you might piss people off. The reason that occurs is because you (p***) cannot truly believe everything you say is the truth. Your truth is not always the truth! Learn to be humble enough to say through time somethings or facts are forgotten. Please remember your part in regurgitating things as well, because you left a lot of key points out which tells a different story. Paint the picture together and not as though only your truth matters. It helps me out a ton in life not being right all the time. You can't fake Video or Pictures. They tell the most accurate truth." (Do videos and pictures really tell the most accurate truth? I don't think so! Do videos and pictures expose one's inner most thoughts and feelings? Doubtful!)
"You are beyond craz! Even you so called highlighting something! I was talking about us TALKING on video! Yes you are completely out of line and it is a fact that you turn people off because you try to turn words around. Clearly you highlight those words and still twist them and can't read. I was talking about our jokes and laughs. Unbelievable.. Hahah Stop coming in your dreams. Jesus Christ you need serious help! I don't think of you and never have. You don't show up in my dreams because I don't allow crazy fake spiritual people in my world. I don't even wish you good luck. Keep living miserable. P***. Just fake all around even down to your name. Don't contact people in the name of TRUTH and turn out to be the biggest LIAR! Ending!"
"You are an appalling crazy person! How dare you contact me with such nonsense. Your emails are getting more stupid! Trust me. I will save these emails because you are trying to start something with the wrong person. We were never intimate! I absolutely never had sex with you and never would! (He did actually fully penetrate me one time without a condom for about 5 seconds...maybe he doesn't consider that to be sex?) Who do you even think you are with all of this bad Karma BS! You are so toxic and I can see why no one wants to know you or be around you! Grow up and Stop putting your miserable life onto others trying to explain away your pathetic life! I also said I have pictures of us! Never said I have the old videos WE TOOK! You are disgusting for trying to change my words! You are everything wrong with society trying to pose as a spiritual healer. WOW! And this is why you will always be miserable. Bye!"
"WOW!! The nerve of you to say HIDDEN Camera WOW! What in the world are you talking about! You are a despicable human being to even say those words to me. Never said anything like that. Good bye!"
So as you can see... my supposed ex-lover (or whatever he was... hater?) didn't take what I had to say very well! The entire interaction was quite disappointing actually. I'm not really sure what I expected. But deep down I think I was hoping for an enlightened compassionate apologetic response. However intuitively I knew I was in for an angry unenlightened irrational argumentative response. Before I recently contacted this ex-lover I was receiving intuitive impulses to stay away from him and just leave him alone. When I actually contacted him on instagram (during a time of deep sadness and depression) I felt intense heat and pain in both of my ears. It was the strangest sensation. Something was telling me to stop what I was doing and leave this guy alone! Then as we communicated I developed intense anxiety. This was before I even told him how I felt! Then his email ended up in my spam folder and I didn't even find it for about two weeks. Then as we were emailing each other I caught a really bad cold. And then the sickness got worse after I told him what I had to tell him. I realize the universe was trying to protect me. These were all bad omens... I knew it...
But then there was also an energy that was guiding me to tell him the truth about how I felt. I think I needed to tell him so that I could cleanse myself of his bad energy and remove any cords that he may have energetically attached to me. Unfortunately, I don't think his ego was able to handle what I had to say. I think deep down he really wanted to be with me which is why he contacted me a few years back asking me if I wanted to have a baby with him and he would take care of me. He's probably experiencing a very difficult time connecting with women romantically and finding someone to have a baby with. Yes, it appears that he's very successful in entertainment and financially secure... but is that the most important thing in life? I don't believe so.
Unfortunately my ex-lover's responses were not very kind or sympathetic at all (as you can see... quite the opposite)... Then he made it sound like he taped/ recorded all of our interactions when we were together. At first I thought he may have had hidden cameras set up around his apartment to protect himself legally since he was successful in the entertainment industry. Then I thought perhaps he mentioned the cameras and recording devices out of paranoia because he thought I was trying to set him up. Then I realized that he may have just been so angry that his communication skills were thwarted for a moment. Then I realized what he was really trying to say which is that there is no way I could've felt the way I did because I seemed so happy in his recordings. But the big question that I should've asked him is this: Were his recording devices so advanced that they were able to capture my inner most thoughts and feelings? That's the thing that he's not getting. Yes, I had a lot of fun with him. We had wonderful times together. But there were also bad feelings that I was not expressing... Feelings that would have made me too vulnerable if I were to have expressed them years ago. I am comfortable being vulnerable now... because I have strength and confidence now which allows me to be vulnerable. Anyway, I really hope he didn't tape/ record me without my permission.
But regardless... After all was said and done with this correspondence, I felt bad because I really didn't intend to hurt this guy or injure his ego. I was actually hoping we could be friends again. But a more respectable honest friendship this time around. Then he popped up in a dream again! Oy! In this last dream I was considering mailing him an anonymous letter stating that I was sorry. In real life this would never happen though. I would be considered a stalker. So I will most definitely stay far far away from him!
Although this ex-lover (hater) appears to be a total douchebag, and even though he reported me as a spammer to instagram, I still feel bad. I feel bad for this guy because he just couldn't take what I had to tell him. It was quite possibly one of the most honest confessions anyone ever admitted to him and he just couldn't handle it. And it was all the truth. My inner most truth... But regardless... Now I know! I do not need this type of person in my life. Good riddens on this one! Needless to say, I will not be wasting anymore articles on this guy, but I have definitely learned some important lessons. The whole conversation reminds me of Dave Chappelle's episode: When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong... lol I think it's important to try to see the humor in everything... even in a miserable situation! There's always something to laugh at! Laughter is the best medicine!
One chapter of the book closes and a new better chapter begins...
Jennie H is a Reiki Master Energy Healer, Co-Founder of Self Saviorz Society California Non-Profit 501(c)(3), Poet, Author and Entertainer with goals to help raise the vibration and consciousness of humanity!