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A Controversial Conversation/ Debate with Myself: And Yes! The Reason Is Important!

First and foremost, No, I am not trying to write a controversial article! In fact, I try to stay away from discussing and writing about controversial topics. I am really not trying to expose myself to the negative backlash that my opinions may cause if (and that's a big "if") these articles ever become widely publicized. I try to keep my articles safely under the radar. In fact, I hardly market them at all. However, these articles just seem to write themselves! Must I forever be the bad guy for questioning reality? Or better yet, for questioning Jewish reality? Do I automatically become a self-hating anti-semitic Jew for maintaining an objective open questioning mind? Perhaps to some people this will appear to be the case. But I don't hate anyone, not myself nor my so-called Jewish brothers and sisters. I am simply and unapologetically a truth seeker.

This dialogue started out as a simple friendly conversation between myself and an older male friend of the family who l stay in touch with through email. He just happens to be Jewish and currently resides in Israel. As you will see (or better yet read) the conversation takes a peculiar, but as I see it, predictable, turn into the land of Jewishness. And that's where things start to get a bit sticky. As you will see further along in the conversation, when I asked this family friend if he would permit me to publish our conversation, but make him anonymous, he adamantly declines. Thus out of respect for his privacy of words and thoughts I have decided to just publish my words and thoughts... Although for the sake of allowing this conversation to make some sense to the reader, I do briefly explain at times (in my own words) what the friend of the family is stating. But in the end, this is really just a controversial conversation/ debate with myself!

It all began when the friend of the family, let's just call him "FOF" for short, enquired as to which email is the best email to contact me on... That's when I decided to finally open up and tell him something that I had been keeping a secret for over a year...

"By the way, there's something I haven't told you... I might as well tell you now...

About 8 years ago my good friend/ music partner had a baby with another girl...

Long story short... about a year ago the baby's mom died of a drug overdose after my friend (D*****) was awarded full custody...

The baby, who was 6 years old at the time, not a baby anymore, moved in with me and my friend and she's been living with us for about a year now.

The little girl's name is L**** and we've given me the title of step mom. My dad met her in person, D**** met her over the phone and what's app and my mom met her over the phone. I'm taking L**** with me to NY in August to meet D**** and my mom in person. Everyone has accepted her as there new step grand daughter!

Yes... there's been a lot of changes! I'm basically a mom!

Sorry it took so long to tell you this... The whole thing has been a bit overwhelming! D***** and L**** left town a few days ago to visit family in Ohio so I finally have a moment of quiet!


FOF writes some stuff and I respond...

"In regards to finding out about the baby... D***** asked me in advance if I was okay with him having a baby with this other woman and I told him to do whatever he wants. That's the kind of relationship we have. I was actually at the hospital holding L**** the day she was born. And I had the strangest feeling that she was actually my baby... but with absolutely no expectations of anything! There is definitely some kind of energetic past life connection with L****. D***** and I had spoke about having children but I never felt ready to go through with it. I even told him a few times that it would be great if instead of getting pregnant a baby could just show up at the door and love me. Well, I suppose you have to watch what you wish for! Thoughts becomes things! The death of this lady was a strange event. I barely knew her. I had no relationship with this woman. But it was very sad...I was especially sad for L**** losing her mom. But D***** (and his spiritual mentor who told him to have the baby with this girl) had a feeling all along that L**** was going to end up with us. The mother was not mentally capable of dealing with a child. She could barely deal with herself. She was very unbalanced. D***** helped her get off drugs when he met her. But after the baby was born she went right back to drugs. In reality D***** just likes to help people. He was trying to help this girl, but in the end it seems that the whole situation did her in. A crazy situation indeed! And now I have a child. I guess it was meant to be?

As for the head wrap... a while back D***** took an online Jewish class with the expectation of converting to Judaism (which never happened by the way.) The class went on for months! And for some odd reason, the combination of the energy of the class, along with all the kabbalistic stuff I have in my apartment did something to me. I started observing Shabbat... which I never did before on my own. I taught myself to read Hebrew with one of D*****'s class books. I started reading the Torah Portion along with the insights every Shabbat. I started reciting all the morning prayers... I tried my hand at the three daily prayers but it was just too much for me so I opted out of that... although I still recite part of the Shema every morning (the part I've memorized). I say the Ana B'choach everyday (kabbalistic prayer), Started going to the mikvah (ended up doing it at the hot springs where I felt more comfortable...recited the mikvah prayer), went kosher... I actually ended up going completely vegan for the past 5 months (gluten free, etc) etc.etc... long story shorter I started reading the Zohar... I was guided to read certain sections at certain times... And one Shabbat a little over a year ago I read a section about the head coverings for women... I felt compelled to dig for more info in the Zohar on this... and that's when I knew that I needed to start covering my hair... because I am super sensitive to energy and have been energetically attacked many a time... I've experienced lot's of paranormal activity... So I knew that the head covering would provide me with another layer of protection which it has done. I also sleep with tzitzit attached to my shirts. I was guided to do this as well for more protection. I was getting attacked in my dreams. The tzitzit stopped this... so the energy is real! So in summary I've gone through this odd Jewish transformation... but it's very personal. I don't like to go to synagogue or be around groups of Jewish people or better yet any groups of people. I don't have a Rabbi. I am my own Rabbi. The spirit guides me. I'm an empath and tend to get drained by people... Any negative energy brings me down. I do better alone with animals... cats and squirrels and hummingbirds! That's why it was so difficult in the beginning with L****. She was being abused by her grandmother and her mother and she brought that sad, angry, negative energy with her. Thank goodness that phase is over now. She's not the same kid that she was when she first moved in. Anyway, I've written a bunch of articles on my blog about most of what I've been through and this Jewish transformation... and L****... writing is great therapy for me! So thanks for reading!


(I think I may have over-explained myself! lol)

FOF writes back and I respond:

"Well, I wouldn't say things weren't challenging... But I do love a great challenge!

I've tried watching/ participating in online services for the High Holidays through a synagogue in West LA that was recommended to me and I still felt drained. Drained by the tablet or drained by the people? I don't know. But every time I had the services on I ended up losing energy and losing motivation to observe the Holiday. A strange phenomenon. So I just stopped watching services altogether and now just follow my own intuition for the day...

The d*** s** and the dog sound wonderful! I really enjoy my alone time with my 3 cats!

A little more conversation takes place between FOF and myself and than FOF states that my blog is very impressive and interesting. He also states that he's sorry that I had a bad experience at the Mikveh. He goes on to state that some of these orthodox Jews are intolerant and rude. Then he states that my blog about the Holocaust is a very common anti-semitic explanation... Finally FOF speaks about Jews being extraordinarily successful and the hatred and jealousy that comes with this success... etc... etc...I'm not going to go into details... it's a long email! And FOF really doesn't want me to share his email messages word for word anyway.

So I respond: "There's always many sides to a story and no way to exactly know the truth of it all. I'm just here to make people think and question reality. We should always question what we are being told and taught by those in power. The story that is being marketed to the public is not always the truth. The public is told what the people in charge want us to be told.... or they will tell the story the way they want the story to be that we can think and act how they want us to think and act... so that they can continue being in control of the masses while we continue living in a state of survival and negativity. Why do you think 99% of everything on the news is so negative and terrible? It's the law of attraction. What we think we create. If we keep watching violence it just promotes more violence. If images of peace were widespread then there may actually be peace on earth. But it would appear that the dark elite that are in control of the world do not want this. That's why I always promote not watching television. We are better off not seeing the misery and the suffering and the violence and only seeing good in our minds so we can create good in our lives and the lives around us."

What FOF didn't realize is that at this point in our conversation I actually did start to have a whole conversation with myself (or dare I say... a conversation with G-d!) My mind became flooded with so many thoughts on this topic that I had to start taking notes. I wanted to tell FOF everything I was thinking and writing down but it just would've been too overwhelming for me to deal with! This conversation with FOF could've gone on for eternity! And I actually needed to take a break! As an empath a conversation about such a heavy topic can be quite energy consuming! I was up late at night thinking about the conversation when I should've been sleeping!

In the next email FOF agrees with what I am saying and states that I have good insight to question things. He likes my critical views... etc. etc...

I write to FOF saying:

"I actually have a lot more to say about this topic. You've got my brain rolling... But I think it would be better to take my time, collect my thoughts and place it into an article. I think that might be more productive for me then going back and forth in an email debate. Hope you don't mind if some of our conversation goes into an article? Ofcourse you would remain anonymous! But there is one thing I would like to add now and then I'm going to leave the topic alone until I write my article. Have you heard of/ read a book called "The Jewish Onslaught: Dispatches from the Wellesley Battlefront by Tony Martin? It's a great book and quite eye opening! I highly recommend it. It reveals a different, most often purposely hidden, viewpoint/ perspective on the whole matter of Jewish History and how the whole narrative is being controlled.


FOF admits that he didn't read the book but he states that Martin is a known anti-semite, etc. etc. At this point I could feel an intense energy shift in the conversation. The tension was definitely felt when FOF stated that he would not be interested in his views even anonymously being presented in my article, etc., etc... Before I got the chance to reply to FOF's email, he emails me again with an article that he wrote that he asks me not to share on my blog... followed my another article on

So I wrote to FOF saying the following:

"The Jewish Onslaught is actually a very interesting read and it did not sound anti semitic to me at all. Then again, it seems that any criticism of Jews by non Jews is usually blamed on anti semitism (and jealousy). These have been the great excuses to condemn and discredit anyone with an alternative/ negative opinion of Jews. I haven't read Mein Kampf or The Protocols of the Elders of Zion yet but I have been told that they are very interesting reads as well. I suppose I may read them one day although I try not immerse myself in these topics too much. It's not something I really wish to concentrate on. As for my article, it's too bad that you are not interested in your views even anonymously being presented since you say you did not explain yourself in depth and can easily be challenged. It would make for a much better read than just what I have to say. You make many good points. Especially about the people you have known that experienced Nazi Germany firsthand. Ofcourse no single article could hit on all the points that would need to be made about such a vast subject. And in the end any explanation of anything can easily be challenged because there will always be someone ready to make the challenge. This is the beauty of the world we live in. It's wonderful that there are still people left in this world that are brave enough to speak up and challenge what is considered to be fact in the mainstream. Even knowing that they could be condemned, labeled an anti-semite and blacklisted if their opinion goes public. But anyway, I suppose my article will just include my words and not yours. So be it! It will be like I'm having a conversation with myself. And you know what the irony of that is? If we are all one with G-d and one with one another and there is really no separation between any of us, then having this conversation with you has actually been having this conversation with myself!

As for who to believe and who to not believe, in reality I can't say what I really believe. There's so much information out there on this subject that it could take lifetimes to figure this all out. I do not know the ultimate truth. I will never claim to know that. I have spiritual mentors that hand me information and in the end I allow my intuition to fill in the missing blanks. But regardless of what could be true or not true... regardless of what anyone thinks of me or my thoughts or my opinions...there is one very important thing that I will always continue to do... and that is question everything!"

FOF responds to my email on a positive vibe... Then sends me a few more emails expressing his thoughts on the subject.

Finally FOF send me an email message that he says I can share on my blog. The following is his entire email message:

"I was thinking about the last email I sent and it has relevance to us as Jews and is the reason Israel is strong,

If anyone had gotten up and called for the death of blacks and another called them cockroaches, they would get their asses kick and even killed. If Nazis surrounded a black church and called for their deaths, they probably would be beaten or killed. Same is probably true for Italians, Latinos but not Jews. Jews do not know how to defend themselves in the Diaspora. They are easy targets. Every other day, someone in Crown heights slaps a Jew in the back of the head and walks away. This could never happen in Harlem and the dude would walk away.

My point is, no matter what the reason is, Jews are the scapegoats whenever a Country has difficulties. I don’t care why very much because if someone wants to kill me, I don’t, at first, care, I want to defend myself. Their reasons are secondary and as you said everyone has their opinions.

It is a shame that America is going through difficult times. The Country is divided and people are unhappy and anti-semitism is growing at a very fast rate and the reason doesn’t matter, We all have our opinions. Synagogues are hiring security personnel and are training congregations how to respond in emergencies. Most of the security is provided by non-Jews. There are some Jews who take a gun to services but few.

I see more and more negative focus on Jews. A presidential candidate, Robert Kennedy, of the famous family said that the covid virus was engineered not to attack the Chinese and Ashkenazi Jews. Just crazy! That’s my point that Jew hatred is prevalent and latent in most counties until times are bad. That’s why we have a strong military in Israel. I care less that it’s here in the Middle East. Colorado would be much nicer.. We would not be surrounded by Moslems and we could go skiing.

Feel free to use this for any blog. Entitled “The reason is not important says my psychologist friend.” BIG HUG


*As for FOF's conclusion that the reason for anti-semitism is not important... I disagree. But hold that thought for just a moment. I will return to state my opinion very soon!

So then I write:

"Thanks for the articles and all the other info! I'm actually going to have to take a break from this conversation and look at this at a later time. Anti-semitism, the reasons behind it, and all the negativity that it causes is not one of my favorite subjects to discuss. It doesn't help me to manifest anything positive in my life. The law of attraction is very real and it is particularly strong in my life. I have to keep my mind focused on my goals. This conversation has been an unexpected diversion/ distraction from what I've been trying to accomplish. So it was good catching up with you. The article will probably publish in two weeks? We'll see. I'm in the middle of writing an article about a squirrel that I've been helping recover from a cyst that burst! And yes, I don't kill flies either...I don't kills any insects! Not even mosquitos!


FOF kindly agrees to end the conversation... We say our goodbyes and move on...

The only problem is... I couldn't move on. My brain was still very very active! But I believe I needed this time alone... Just me and my brain... and the energy of the universe... and G-d!

But before I go into my entire dialogue with myself (in a separate article... It's a doozy!)... There's two more interesting conversations that took place during my conversation with FOF. The first conversation was with my spiritual mentor. So I told my friend/ mentor about my email conversation with FOF and my friend/ mentor says to me: "Show me in any religious texts who are the sons of Sem? If they don't exist then how can anyone be anti-semitic? It's actually the sons of Shem and they were black." My friend/ mentor goes on to say "Has anyone questioned which Jews Hitler was trying to kick out of Germany? Has anyone ever questioned why some Jews were fighting on Hitlers side? Has anyone looked at the state of Germany underneath the power of the Jewish Bankers? Who are the Zionists? If anyone wants to find out what is really happening have them watch "Europa" on bitchute."

Here's the description of "Europa" on bitchute:

Haven’t you ever at least been curious as to what “the other side of the World War II story” was?

Since the mid-20th century, the world has only ever heard one side of the most horrific war in human history. During the 75 years that have now passed, only a single narrative of the great conflict has been heard. This over simplistic narrative totally ignores the previous decades of critical history leading up to World War II, ignores vital information from the actual war years, and outright fabricates lie after lie after lie.

We are today living in the world of the victors of that war and without an objective, rational and balanced view of our history, we are doomed to repeat the mistakes. After World War Two, the victors of the war not only went on to write our history books, infiltrate our media and public education but even going so far as to criminalize the mere questioning of the official story’s orthodoxy. The truth is, that our world today can only be understood through a correct understanding of World War II, the architects of it and the conflicts between Globalism and Nationalism. Between the old-and-new world order. The Traditional and the “Progressive”.

Day in and day out, has the post-war propaganda been pounded into the minds of three subsequent generations. Every medium of mass indoctrination has been harnessed to the task of training the obedient masses as to what the proper and “acceptable” view of this event should be. Academia, news media, public education, book publishing, TV documentaries, Hollywood films and politicians of every stripe all sing the same song.

For very good reasons, most people don’t trust the mainstream media anymore. You have already heard the official history millions of times.

This documentary gives an overview of how Europe has been shaped in modern history. In it, you will find the secret history, where you will find the real causes of the events. Watch this series and uncover the real root causes of World War II. It will take you on an epic timeline that will transport you back in time and lead you on the journey through the Bolshevik Revolution, the communist attempts to take over Germany; hyperinflation during the Weimar Republic, widespread unemployment and misery, Adolf Hitler’s rise to power, World War I & II – all the way to the modern world. It presents the true historical events that lead to this world catastrophe known as the second world war, as well as the aftermath.

Do be forewarned though, your worldview might never be the same. As always, the Truth Fears No Investigation.

This documentary consists of 9 (10) parts, read all about it on

So I have not watched "Europa" yet, however, my friend/ mentor watched it and he had one of his older female Jewish friends who grew up speaking fluent Hebrew watch "Europa". He said she was speechless and no longer feels comfortable claiming to be Jewish. Also since watching "Europa" she has stopped observing Shabbat! She doesn't even know how to feel about her Jewish family members anymore. She knows that they're not ready to hear the truth. She's interested in finding more people like herself who have awakened to the truth but she doesn't even know where to begin searching for such people! Geez! Now I'm really wondering about this "Europa" movie!

So then I made the mistake of telling a close (and close minded) older female family member about my conversation with FOF. We were on the phone when I mentioned that FOF stated that my Holocaust article was anti-semitic. I made a mistake though... FOF actually stated that my blog about the Holocaust is a very common anti-semitic explanation.... not that my blog article was anti-semitic! Well, my close family member went nuts! Absolutely nuts! Oy! I opened a real can of worms!

Then, as if I wished to torture myself some more, I texted my close family member this message:

"If you're interested in hearing the purposely suppressed version of the story of Nazi Germany then you can watch a 12 hr movie on called Europa."

"I haven't watched it"

"But that's where the other side of the story is hiding!"

Close family member aka CFM states: "I am not interested in information that is incorrect. I was born in 1944. The war ended in 45. I went to school with children whose parents had come to the US right before the war they students spoke german! We had Viennese (from Vienna Austria) next door neighbors. My friend Chickie up 118th st by Mept ave her grandparents had their dept store stolen from them in Germany! Kew Gardens was a neighborhood full of germans who escaped Germany! A***** T******'s friend B**** M********** was sent to a school for Catholic children in France. His parents went to the gas chamber! The American army liberated the concentration camps in Europe! Remember my boyfriend J**? His mother lived in Salonica Greece during the war. She remembers the Nazis taking the Jews away! I can go on and on. I will send you some books by Eli Weisel about the experiences during the Holocaust. The holocaust is well documented!"

"The Nazis didn't only kill Jews they killed anyone they didn't approve of or who didn't approve of them. They killed nuns & priests, homosexuals, mentally ill people, physically deformed people, Gypsies & blacks!"

"They were thugs who got ahold of power! They robbed the homes of the Jewish victims, their belongings, their businesses! Wake up & stop talking like a dummie!"

" I sent u several important articles to read about the Holocaust & they were all returned as undeliverable. I will try to send them to R** & maybe he can send them to u!"

My response: "I'm not interested in mainstream news so you can save your articles."

"I'm only interested in hearing the untold story that's been suppressed by the media."

CFM: "U are only interested in hearing lies!"

"Why don't u share your holocaust beliefs with your F***** T**?

Me: "In reality I'm not interested in hearing anything about the holocaust. Not the popular belief nor the unpopular belief. A***** brought up an article I wrote which I was defending. You've actually never heard my holocaust beliefs because you can't hear anything outside of what you've been taught. And I'm pretty sure it's probably the same story with my d**. I'd be wasting my energy trying to explain anything to you that's outside of your belief system. The same goes for 99 percent of the population."

CFM: "I haven't been taught anything about the holocaust! I have read voraciously & I read all the time! U don't. I grew up right after the holocaust! No one had to teach me anything!"

Me: "What did you read? Mainstream newspapers? What did you watch? Mainstream television? Now tell me who owns the mainstream media outlets? Who is feeding you your opinions?"

"Do you ever question anything you hear or read? Or do you only question what the mainstream media tells you is acceptable to question?"

"So who really does your thinking for you?"

"Anyway, this conversation is a waste of time for me."

"There is always another side to the story! But the media only shares the side that they want you to hear. They are killing people's abilities to think critically and to question reality. That is the real holocaust!"

CFM: "There is something called "History" which is "VALIDATED" in many different legitimate ways! I guess it wasn't your favorite subject!"

Me: "It's a subject that been edited and rewritten many more times than we know! Anyone can memorize and regurgitate information! How many people actually question it?"

"There was a black history professor named Tony Martin who wrote a really eye-opening book called The Jewish Onslaught. I read the book. Did you?"

CFM: "I'm reporting this to the anti defamation league! Poor stupit bastard!"

(The irony of CFM's ignorant statement is that in Tony Martin's book he explains how countless Jews (and non-Jews) reported him to the anti defamation league, yet they never actually read his work! How are you going to complain about something that you haven't even read? Wow! Now that is true stupidity!).

Me: "Reporting who? The professor? He was already attacked relentlessly by the Jewish community for teaching suppressed information that they didn't want people to know. That's why he wrote this book. To tell his side of the story. Why not read it before you judge, condemn and report it?"

CFM: "The fact that u refuse to read real documented history shows the story. We will talk in person."

Me: "I don't want to talk about this in person. I don't enjoy discussing this topic with you because you don't hear anything beyond your own limited beliefs. It's a waste of conversation energy."

CFM: "It's documented history!!! It's not my limited belief! It's documented history!"

And that's where our conversation ended!

So here's the thing... How can we possibly be open to creating positive change in the world if were not even open to hearing all sides to a story?

So now going back to FOF's statement that the reason for anti-semitism is not important...

I completely disagree with this statement and here is why... The reason is important because there can never be an effect without a cause! It's the law of cause and effect. The universal law of cause and effect states that for every effect there is a definite cause, and likewise for every cause, there is a definite effect. Perhaps if we can pinpoint the real reason/ cause for hatred, anti-semitism and violence against the Jews then we can also find the cure! That's why the reason is actually important...vitally important!

For example... If we are to attempt to cure cancer should we not be looking at the reason(s) for why the cancer came to exist in the first place? Should we just immerse ourselves in radiation and do our very best to kill the cancer while weakening our immune systems and possibly killing ourselves in the process? And here's a crazy idea... maybe, just maybe there's a better way of eradicating this cancer then just utilizing radiation therapy? Perhaps there's a more natural approach that no one is talking about because the pharmaceutical companies wouldn't profit off of it? (Come to think of it... perhaps creating world peace is not profitable to whoever is profiting off of worldwide disharmony?)

But back to cancer... wouldn't it be more intelligent to discover the cause of cancer and then take action to prevent it from existing in the first place? I believe that's one of the biggest problems with our society today. We don't take much time to look into causes and preventative measures. Most people don't even consider eating healthy until they're faced with a terminal illness... and at that point it's usually too late! Instead of preventing sickness, hatred, war, violence, etc. were always prepared to fight the big battle... A battle against a sickness that could've simply been prevented in the first place if we could just take the time to look a little closer at the reason or the cause of the sickness!

I suppose the point that I'm trying to make is this... All this hatred that's being directed at Jews,... There's got to be a good reason for this. It can't just be that the whole world is jealous of the Jews. There's got to be something else going on. It cant be so simple and so one sided. The Jews (at least some Jews... I'm not saying all Jews... Cause I know I personally haven't done anything to anyone to elicit any kind of hate or anti-semitism. I try my best to show kindness to everyone and I'm not in a position of power to keep any group of people down) but I'm saying... some Jew(s) somewhere have had to have done something to bring this on themselves. I do not believe that Jews are completely innocent in all of this. There is definitely something that is being overlooked!

In reality, if Jews are so wonderful, intelligent and successful than why are they so hated? Why haven't they used their incredible genius to successfully eliminate hate and anti-semitism? Could it be that anti-semitism is profitable for certain Jews?

Is it possible that the reason for anti-semitism can be found somewhere where no one is looking?

Perhaps in unconventional, unpopular, suppressed, hidden, censored accounts of Jewish history that no one wants to look at or try to believe? One never knows... I think its important to stay open minded and listen to all sides of a story before determining an answer to an age old problem! I have a lot more to say about this topic but I have to end this article now... To be continued soon...

UPDATE November 8th, 2023: In the midst of a war between Israel and Hamas/ Palestine, my mentor shares with me an audiobook called "The International Jew" by Henry Ford. Very interesting! Supposedly this book has been hidden very well and is quite difficult to find... due to supposed anti-semitism!

Jennie H is a Reiki Master Energy Healer, Co-Founder of Self Saviorz Society California Non-Profit 501(c)(3), Poet, Author and Entertainer with goals to help raise the vibration and consciousness of humanity!


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