I Had To Euthanize a Bee this Past Sunday (and I Never Kill or Harm Insects!)
This past Sunday I performed my usual daily solar worship ritual on my balcony along with an extra special ritual to welcome the Leo sun. I was actually supposed to welcome the Leo sun last Sunday but somehow it managed to slip my mind. Anyway... I recited my solar invocation, lit my yellow candle and burned frankincense incense on my solar altar on my balcony...etc... And as usual, I fed sugar to my bees several times. My bees are stationed on another table close to my solar altar!
I left the balcony and moved on to other activities... I went to the library, went grocery shopping and came back home around 8pm. I walked onto the balcony and saw that there were a few bees waiting around that still needed to be fed. So I fed them some sugar water. Then I checked on my solar altar and to my absolute horror I found a bee trapped in solidified candle wax. He was still alive and struggling to break free from the wax.
I was able to remove his body from the wax clump built up under the candle, but upon closer inspection his whole body was covered in pieces of solidified wax. I was rather unprepared to help this poor little guy (or gal) but I felt compelled do something and so I reached for any random instrument I could find in order to attempt to remove the solidified wax from his body. The little bee kept moving around which made things very difficult for me. I had two chop sticks and a tiny pair of scissors. I tried to remove a piece of wax from one of his arms and I ended up removing a piece of his arm! I was sweating and experiencing a bit of anxiety. I must've been picking up the bees stress and anxiety. He was apparently very uncomfortable. I was trying to think of anything I could do to remove the solidified wax from this bee's tiny little body without causing him harm. I was a bit heart broken though because I could think of nothing.
I gave the bee some reiki energy healing and said some powerful prayers for him. I could feel his pain in my hands and throughout my body. Even in my head! I was convinced that this bee was in agony and it hurt me terribly to watch him suffer. There's no telling how long he had been suffering for. Perhaps for many hours? I had lit the altar candle way earlier in the day. I envisioned how he got stuck in the hot liquified wax which had to have been quite painful. Then he had to lie there struggling to break free as the hot wax slowly started to solidify over his limbs. I was horrified by the thought of it all. And I was even more upset about the fact that I was the cause of this bee's endless torment and suffering. I knew he was going to die. And even if I were to find some miraculous way of rescuing him, he was missing a wing. He would never be able to fly again and so I knew that regardless of any miracles I could procure for him in that moment this poor little bee was still destined to die very soon.
I had a choice to make. I could allow him to continue suffering until he finally died a slow and painful death or I could take him out of his misery. Now, I haven't killed a bug in a very long time... at least not purposely. The last time I killed a bug it was a mercy kill... I had to euthanize an ant because he got stuck in tape and I knew that he would become entombed in the tape. And the whole tape situation was my fault. I quickly cut the ant with a sharp knife mercifully ending his life. I then went on to cry profusely for a very long time. The whole experience hurt me tremendously and I told myself I would never do such a thing again. I was later informed that I could've just placed the tape in water to get the ant out. This realization made me feel even worse! The ant didn't even have to die. But anyway... back to the bee...
I could allow him to continue suffering or I could quickly and painlessly euthanize him. The choice became clear... And as I raised a heavy shungite pyramid above the little bees body I could feel his terror. He knew what I was about to do. His fear ran through me and then I smashed his little body to bits. I cried.... and I cried... and my 6 year old step daughter came up to me and accused me of being a cry baby. So I went on to explain to her that crying over someone or something that is suffering (or was suffering) or someone/ something that died means that you are sensitive and empathic... and that there is nothing wrong with that. If anything my step daughter should understand this as she just lost her biological mother approximately two months ago. I explained that a cry baby is someone who cries to get there way... This situation was completely different. She agreed!
Anyway, for the entire evening I could not shake the feeling that I had just committed murder... I had purposely harmed an innocent creature. One of many bees who visit me daily for sugar water. They appear to trust me completely. They never sting me. It hasn't happened one time. Yes, in my mind it was righteous compassionate euthanization... But what gives me the right to make that decision? An intuitive hunch? In Taoism Laozi said: "The precept against killing is: All living beings, including all kinds of animals, and those as small as insects, worms, and so forth, are containers of the uncreated energy, thus one should not kill any of them." The whole thing pained me. I sprayed myself with clearing sprays... I played a karma cleansing audio. I sent some reiki distance healing to the poor bee (may he rest in peace) and to myself... But I kept feeling all kinds of sensations running through my body and my head. My energy was off. I knew that by murdering this little bee I had in essence murdered a part of myself... Because we are all one. We are all connected. I was trying to rationalize the whole experience to make myself feel better. I felt that perhaps, if the bee is a representation of myself, then by ending this little bee's suffering... perhaps I ended a little of my own suffering as well? That thought brought me some comfort and as time passed I was able to move on from the experience.
The next day I created a little barrier to place over the candle to keep bees from falling into the candle wax. I never ever wish to partake in such an uncomfortable experience ever again! Although it pained me very much to do what I had to do... I know in my heart of hearts that I did the right thing. I sure hope the bee understands this as well! I suppose deep down I wondered if there would be any karmic repercussions for the violent yet compassionate euthanasia I had just performed. Around a day and a half later I received my answer. I woke up and my left leg was covered in mosquito bites. My step daughter also woke up with mosquito bites on her leg... because yes, she was part of the whole energy as well! I suppose it could've been worse and I gladly accept my punishment. If it's a choice between watching someone else suffer for a mistake I made, or taking on their suffering for myself and relieving them of their suffering... Well, I would gladly do the right thing and suffer for them! I think that may be the correct choice to make?
UPDATE: In the end I decided to just stop lighting candles on my solar altar on the balcony! The new barrier I created still didn't work and another bee got trapped in the candle wax and died! So now I'm just placing a candle on the solar altar but I'm not lighting it. I'm not sure how the spirits feels about this... but if bees lives are being saved by taking this precaution then it must be okay! Good karma at the very least!
Jennie H is a Reiki Master Energy Healer, Co-Founder of Self Saviorz Society California Non-Profit 501(c)(3), Poet, Author and Entertainer with goals to help raise the vibration and consciousness of humanity!