My Yom Kippur Realizations! (And Happy Sukkot/ Chol Hamoed!)
Yom Kippur was last week... if you didn't know? The first days of "Sukkot" just passed and we are now in the intermediate festival days known as "Chol Hamoed'. It's a bit much for me to be honest. Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur and then Sukkot! I'm trying to keep up... but Sukkot is a tough one. I just haven't had it in me yet to build (or buy) a sukkah (also known as a booth or a hut) which I am supposed to eat my meals in outside for the extent of the festival. Some people even sleep in the sukkah! I'm hoping that when I finally purchase my first house (or clear off my balcony) that I will be able to observe the holiday of Sukkot properly. For now I am simply lighting the candles, reciting the holiday prayers and reading about Sukkot. I also purchased a kids plush lulav and etrog set for the holiday... not the real thing! But at least I made an effort... The plush lulav and etrog are sitting on my dining room table behind the holiday candles! I also ate breakfast outside on my balcony (next to my bees) this past Monday afternoon! My bees were eating too! Adorable little fellas! So I ate outside one time on the first day of Sukkot... it's the thought that counts right? So back to my Yom Kippur realizations...
I was enjoying a peaceful moment of contemplative retrospection when some important thoughts came to my mind... I am an actress... and yet I can't stand other actors or actresses or the entertainment industry for that matter. It's all fake and phony and super negative to me. I can't stand going to auditions and being around other actors and actresses who are waiting to audition for a role. So I stopped auditioning for roles a long time ago because it didn't make me feel very good! Yet, I still love the art of acting! I love watching actors and actresses performing their roles (in movies, theater, etc.) and I love participating in acting as an actress. Furthermore... I am a human being, and yet I can't stand many human beings. Well, I enjoy watching human beings... but I don't enjoy interacting with them so much. It can be a pretty exhausting experience at times. I rather prefer the company of animals and insects and nature and spirits. I also do not really like this planet and how it's being controlled and organized. Earth is a super negative planet... or at the very least, earth is being manipulated to be super negative. I don't think it has to be this way. Regardless..., I am still human and I still live here on this planet earth... at least physically!
Likewise, It appears I've become a bit religious... or so it seems? I don't think I'm religious. But I sure have been studying religious scriptures and praying a lot. And yet I can't stand religion or religious people! I do not enjoy attending synagogue, church or any other religious group gatherings. I especially do not enjoy religious fanatics who believe that their religion and God is above all other religions and Gods. I can't stand religious know it alls! I can't stand judgmental people! And I detest religious debates... (although I do enjoy spiritual and philosophical conversations with open minded people!) And yet, lately I've been doing my very best to follow the Jewish religion and all of its holidays! How's that for a contradiction? I suppose it's called being a pisces! We are a walking contradiction! But in the end... there is no contradiction because in reality everything is one. We all just have to decide what's right for us individually!
In reality I am not religious... I am spiritual. I am a spiritual being. We are all spiritual beings in physical bodies. Just some of us are more aware of our connection to spirit than others. That's okay. In the end... we are all connected... and that's all that matters. We become more connected to spirit by becoming more conscious of our connection to spirit. Thoughts create things. Consciousness is everything! I feel very connected to the spiritual realm and the G-d energy that is within all of us. But perhaps more of a connection is possible? Yes, indeed it is! I intuitively feel that the Hebrew prayers of Judaism and Kabbalah have created a bridge and an even stronger connection for me to the spiritual realm and to the most high divine creator... Hashem! Or any other name that we may wish to call him, her or it? There are many names! I believe it's moreso the energy behind the thought of G-d that really counts... and not necessarily a name that we use to call out to him, her or it! But then again, maybe there is a certain power to using certain names to call on the most high? And certain symbols are very powerful too! Perhaps our thoughts create this power? Perhaps enthusiasm and faith and belief is the power that ignites the ultimate power within all of us? But back to my point...
Although I love reading and reciting Hebrew prayers... I find that I must pray alone! I must observe alone... on my own terms... without the presence of others (who seem to intrude upon my peace and connection to the most high)! I do not even wish to engage with the presence of others through a synagogue service being watched on a tablet! I've come to realize that even that experience is too draining on my energy... and has a negative effect on my consciousness. Praying or observing any mitzvahs or holidays in the company of others actually makes me lose interest altogether in praying and observing mitzvahs or holidays. That's why visiting the mikvah at the synagogue didn't work out well for me... And that's why watching and participating in the Mount Sinai Temple synagogue service for Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur via live stream on my tablet didn't work out for me either! Well, I watched and participated in the Erev Yom Kippur service the night before... and that was enough for me! I woke up completely drained the next morning! I should've known... The Rosh Hashana service had a bad effect on me as well! And I really enjoyed both services! I especially enjoyed the beautiful singing of the choir and the Rabbi's inspiring sermons.
I'm not sure if it's the energy of the tablet (which is difficult for me to deal with), or the constant standing up and sitting down for the service which is tiring, or the actual energy of the service or the energy of all the people at the service... but regardless... I now know that I cannot participate in synagogue services... whether live or via the internet! This is not for me! I end up losing all interest in praying and observing the mitzvah or holiday and I end up getting profusely drained of my energy! So that's the verdict! That's my Yom Kippur realization! My spiritual journey is a private one. I can share my experiences with friends and family. I can share my experiences via this blog... But when it's time to experience the experience... it's best experienced alone in private...just me and my prayers... and my cats! My cats love to pray with me...especially Roscoe! He's my prayer cat! I know that he can feel the immense positive powerful energy of the Hebrew prayers that I recite. The interesting thing about my Yom Kippur revelation/ realization is that I've known this all along! Even my Kabbalistic Meditation Prayer book expresses that one is not going to become close with and bond with God while praying with groups of people... The real connection to the divine is acquired and maintained alone... and in quiet... just you and the most high! So in summary... following any particular religion (or attending a religious institution and praying with others) is not a necessary prerequisite to finding and connecting with G-d. Just follow your heart and your intuition and you will find what you are seeking! Nobody can tell you what's right for you... except you! And in the end... we only attract what we concentrate on! So if you are seeking G-d... just concentrate on G-d... that's all that needs to be done! It's not rocket science!
Jennie H is a Reiki Master Energy Healer, Co-Founder of Self Saviorz Society California Non-Profit 501(c)(3), Poet, Author and Entertainer with goals to help raise the vibration and consciousness of humanity!